


Good Intentions (pave the road to Hell)

by angrytourist



Series: complex anatomy [8]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-08-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 09:56:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2187408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angrytourist/pseuds/angrytourist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tsukiyama offhandedly remarked the night before that Kaneki’s need to ‘monitor the situation’ was getting obsessive. Joke or no, Kaneki suspected he wasn’t wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Good Intentions (pave the road to Hell)

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, thanks to everyone who reads/comments/bookmarks/leaves kudos! *u*The support for this AU is so awesome, I love you guys.

Ward 20 was under martial law by order of the CCG. Kaneki was drinking water at the time the report aired, and he’d fumbled the glass, shocked, and dropped it on Tsukiyama’s floor where it shattered. Tsukiyama moved the television to the kitchen after that, and Kaneki could rarely be found anywhere else.

Most channels covering what was going on kept two counters on the screen at all times: one representing the number of doves killed and the other representing the number of ghouls ‘apprehended’.

Kaneki was suspicious about what the CCG considered to be the definition of ‘apprehended’.

The doves were actively reporting on the searches for Rabbit, Gourmet, and One-Eye, though Rabbit's activities had ceased since the CCG took over the ward. Everyone had gone still, the threat of being caught far too great.

"You're leaving?" Kaneki asked, incredulous.

Tsukiyama glanced at him from the closet before continuing to dress. "We do have to eat."

Kaneki fidgeted in the doorway, anxious at the thought of Tsukiyama going alone. "It's not safe." 

"I won't leave the tunnels anywhere I could be found," Tsukiyama said. He dressed quickly and started to leave, but he stopped by Kaneki, crowding him against the open door and kissing him. Kaneki's eyes fluttered shut, but his bliss was cut short by a painful stinging at the tip of his tongue. Tsukiyama released and smiled with bloody teeth. "To tide me over," he said.

Kaneki watched him walk away, finger pressed against where a part of his tongue was gone, bitten clean off. The blood trickled messily from his mouth, staining the collar of his white shirt.

"Tissues," he muttered, distracted, and returned to the kitchen.

Holding a wadded paper towel to his tongue, Kaneki sat at the table. The book he’d been reading was still open on the table, and the tv remote was next to it. He went for the remote, which he’d been choosing more and more. Tsukiyama offhandedly remarked the night before that Kaneki’s need to ‘monitor the situation’ was getting obsessive.

Joke or no, Kaneki suspected he wasn’t wrong.

xxx

Tsukiyama brought home barely enough for one ghoul. His mood, typically foul after visiting his mysterious benefactor, did not improve.

"I'm sure they're not doing it on purpose," Kaneki soothed.

"That's because you don't know him," Tsukiyama bit out. He was barely hanging onto his last shred of pleasantness, so Kaneki gave him most of the meat. 

"Maybe I could go with you next time--"

"Under no circumstances will I ever expose you to those--those unsophisticated pigs," Tsukiyama snapped.

Kaneki, cowed, said nothing else.

Not being able to choose his food, not being able to leave except through the tunnels, all of it was eating at Tsukiyama. Kaneki could see it in the way he snapped where before he would smile, in the way he grew more forceful and controlling with Kaneki. He didn't know what to do, how to help, and his powerlessness to change the situation weighed on his heart even further when he remembered it was his fault. He had been the catalyst who triggered this war. He wished he could be the one to end it.

But as usual, he remained worthless.

They ate in oppressive silence. Kaneki kept his eyes on his plate even after he'd finished his meager portion. He didn't move until Tsukiyama did, guilt churning in his gut like rotten food. The urge to do _something_ to fix a problem - anyone's, though Tsukiyama was at the top of his list - rather than create a problem nagged at his mind, made it impossible to be still.

When Tsukiyama stalked out of the kitchen, Kaneki followed.

He swallowed the apology clinging to his tongue, knowing Tsukiyama would deny he was at fault, and said, "Can I stay with you tonight?"

Tsukiyama stopped in the hall, glancing back with the first real smile Kaneki had seen since he'd gotten home. "Always."

Kaneki felt a sting in his chest, a moment of being unsettled that he couldn't place or understand. It was gone just as quickly, and he followed Tsukiyama to his bedroom.

xxx

Kaneki's knees skated further open, dragging against the sheets. Tsukiyama draped himself over his back like a blanket, too-hot skin sliding against Kaneki's with every roll of his hips.

Tsukiyama mouthed against Kaneki’s shoulder, a tease of teeth hinting at what he wanted. When he felt them dig in to his ski , Kaneki let out a pained whimper. “Tsukiyama,” his voice was breathless, trembling in time with Tsukiyama’s thrusts, “I won’t be able to heal if you--”

A sharper thrust cut him off. Tsukiyama broke the skin, then pulled away, lapping at the beads of blood that welled up.

“Just a little,” Tsukiyama murmured. “It’s been _too long_...”

There was always something. Too long, not enough… Kaneki squeezed his eyes shut, panting, his face pressed against a pillow, his thighs aching from holding himself open. Tsukiyama could be so demanding, pushing for what Kaneki was never sure he was able to give. 

In the end, though, he always gave.

xxx

Tsukiyama left again. Business, he’d said. They were going to leave Ward 20 for somewhere less turbulent, somewhere hunting would be easier.

Somewhere where they weren’t the ones being hunted.

His family was wealthy, had property all over Japan and in other parts of the world. If it came down to it, he’d promised to take Kaneki out of the country, somewhere with a more sophisticated culture.

He would be gone for two days, checking on some property or other, but by the morning of the second day, Kaneki found himself overtaken with restless energy. Being alone, feeling trapped - he was familiar with those states. They reminded him of the times when he’d first come to live with Tsukiyama.

Alone in the house, Kaneki couldn’t rid himself of the way his skin crawled and his hands shook.

His mouth was sore, lips bitten as a parting gift, and the marks on his shoulder had only just scabbed over, unattractive and itchy. He wasn’t healing well, and above that, he was hungry. They only ever had enough to eat to tide them over, and what little Tsukiyama’s acquaintance was able to spare was growing smaller and smaller each time. Despite Tsukiyama’s raving about being cheated, Kaneki could imagine it wasn’t that simple.

If a ghoul as notoriously picky as Tsukiyama was buying meat on the sly, he couldn’t imagine how many other ghouls were feeling pressured by the looming threat of the CCG to do the same.

The proof of his theory came in an unexpected - and unwanted - form. 

Touka didn’t bother breaking down the door this time. She knocked and called out to him, though her tone indicated that politeness was forced on her and wasted on the likes of Kaneki.

When he opened the door for her, she barged past him, a small box in hand, and went straight to the kitchen. She was already setting up the coffee pot by the time Kaneki got his legs working well enough to join her.

“Can I help you?” he asked, hesitant. She was the last person he’d been expecting, given the way they’d parted.

“Probably not,” she said. “I’ve got a delivery.”

Ah. “For Tsukiyama?”

Touka made a face. Then she went to the cabinet and grabbed a mug, the ease of which she moved through the kitchen unnerving Kaneki. “Whatever, I guess. These,” she held up the package. “Open them.” Then she poured two cups.

Reluctant, Kaneki unwrapped the brown paper and unfolded the top of the tiny box. “Sugar cubes?” Could they even eat sugar?

“Made by the boss,” she said, though who she meant was a mystery. “We’re out of meat. There’s so many people asking, but this is the best we can do. They’ll tide you over.”

Kaneki brought one of the cubes to his nose and smelled it. Not sugar, then. “I see.” He paused. “Thanks for bringing this. I didn’t realize he was going to your, er, boss.” No wonder Tsukiyama always returned in such a mood. He and Touka had some mutually antagonistic thing going on.

“Everyone is,” she said. “And those are just the ones who are lucky enough to still have a safe place to go back to.” She looked at him expectantly.

Kaneki fumbled, not sure what she wanted him to say. “That must be hard,” he settled on.

It was not the right answer.

“It must be,” Touka said, venom in her words, “especially for someone who was outed - and by another ghoul!”

Outed by--? And then Kaneki remembered. Nishio. She was referring to what happened that day.

“I didn’t have a choice,” he said quickly, wanting to explain. He couldn’t help what happened. He’d been terrified and out of options. “I didn’t--didn’t know how to do anything!”

Touka’s frown deepened. “I hate him too,” she said, “but I wouldn’t have given him up like that. I wouldn’t give up your friend,” she sneered the word, “either. Some lines shouldn’t be crossed.”

Typical. Kaneki committed some huge cultural taboo before he really even knew anything about being a ghoul. “I’m sorry,” he said, misery at his own ineptitude setting in. “If I could go back--” He’d what? Let Nishio kill him? Kaneki’s mouth snapped shut. If he could go back, he knew he’d do the same damn thing again.

“What a nice sentiment,” Touka said. “Too bad it doesn’t save him from squatting in abandoned buildings and starving. Last I heard, he’d been injured by doves and still hasn’t healed.”

“He didn’t come to you for food?”

For the first time, regret flashed across her face. “He couldn’t,” she said quietly, “because he’d give the rest of us away. They’re watching him.”

“So that’s it?” Kaneki couldn’t believe it. “He’s just--dying?”

“There’s nothing anyone can do.”

“Where is he? Do you know?” Self-preservation be damned, Kaneki couldn’t do it. He couldn’t know what was happening, what he’d done to Nishio, and not try to help. He couldn’t stand the weight of another life on his shoulders.

Touka observed him coolly. “You think you can help him?”

“I have to try,” he said, defeated. 

“You don’t make any sense,” she said. Then she stopped, staring at him hard, her jaw working. “Fine. I can tell you how to get where he is, but if you kill him, you’ll never get another scrap from us. The two of you can rot.”

Kaneki could agree to those terms with no problem. 

She sketched out a crude drawing of the path he’d take through the tunnels, then told him where to go from there. It occured to Kaneki that she could be setting him up, but then he remembered Nishio, remembered what he’d done to him - and what he’d done to the humans he killed. Kaneki didn’t have the moral high ground to condemn Nishio, not anymore.

As Touka stood to leave, Kaneki stopped her with a hand on her wrist. “Thank you,” he said, making certain she could hear his sincerity.

She stared at him, wide-eyed, before ripping her arm away. “Whatever,” she said gruffly. “It’s your funeral.” She left without looking back, the door banging shut behind her.

Kaneki popped a sugar cube in his mouth, then repackaged the container. Nishio would no doubt need it more than he and Tsukiyama did.

xxx

Kaneki's mask hung heavy around his neck as he scrawled out a brief note for Tsukiyama on the off chance he returned early.

_Running an errand_ , he wrote. _Be back soon_.

He knew better than to write what he was really going to do. Tsukiyama disliked when he needlessly risked himself.

"Here we go," he said to himself, taping the note to the tunnel door before opening it. The candles through the initial hallway weren't lit, so Kaneki had to guide himself to the door with one hand on the wall. The dark was eerie, and he was relieved when he crossed through to the main tunnels.

The big open area directly beneath Tsukiyama's house was a familiar sight, one that bore the markings from Kaneki's lessons. He could look at each crater and dent and remember the pain from the impact.

Refocusing on the task at hand, he pulled out Touka's map, narrowing his eyes at it. "So... that way?" The map indicated he should take the tunnel directly to his right.

Kaneki really hoped Touka wasn't setting him up.

He followed the map carefully and took his time, afraid of what could happen if he took a wrong turn and had to surface. As time dragged on, Kaneki began to worry that it really was a set up, but when he reached the final turn, there was a ladder leading up.

Nishio was in an abandoned building somewhere up there, though Touka hadn't been able to tell him which or why she knew about Nishio in the first place. Her advice was to follow the scent of blood.

Kaneki surfaced nervously, but the street overhead was vacant. He crawled out of the small opening and instantly recognized the place. It wa the so-called 'bad' end of the ward, where Nishio attempted to lure Hide.

It was much further in than that aborted attempt, decaying, abandoned buildings and SROs making up the majority of the area. It was the perfect place for a ghoul to hunt. Kaneki figured the CCG knew that as well.

His mask secured on his face, he tried to stay out of sight. He could smell old blood, like an injury that had just barely scabbed over, and followed it.

The scent led to a decrepit building, though not an abandoned one. It was a motel, advertisements for hourly and weekly rates peeling off the small square sign just in front of it. Nishio was in there, and he felt sure that he knew Kaneki was coming. 

There was no attendant manning the desk, a small OUT TO LUNCH sign propped up on the counter in their place, so Kaneki breezed past, walking with purpose. He'd stand out less without his mask if someone saw him, but he couldn't take the chance of exposing himself.

He slowed when he reached the hall Nishio was on, the scent strongest from the room at the end. Kaneki approached it like he would a frightened animal and knocked.

Nothing.

"Nishio-senpai?" He said, keeping his voice low. "Please let me in. I can help."

At first, only silence responded. Then, a derisive laugh, followed by the sound of a lock turning. 

"He thinks he's here to help?" Nishio's disbelief wasn't surprising, but the face that opened the door was.

"Come in," the woman said, pulling him in by the sleeve. It was clear that she was human, and equally clear that being among ghouls didn't trouble her. 

Nishio was on a bed, his chest bandaged, bruises creeping out along the edges, painting a trail of yellowed purple up toward his face. His glasses were gone, and Kaneki didn’t see them anywhere in the small room.

“Help, huh?” Nishio’s voice verged on hysteria. “Come to finish the job now that I can’t fight back?”

“No!” Kaneki searched through his pockets, feeling the woman tense, her grip on his arm tightening. “I can’t give you any meat. We don’t have any, but I just got these,” he held the box out. “Sugar cubes. Touka gave them to me,” he said, hoping the name would ring a bell. “I think they’re made of--”

“I know what they’re made of.” Nishio didn’t calm at the offering. If anything, it made him angrier. “What do you think you’re doing? You ruined my life!”

“You tried to kill me,” Kaneki shot back. “I didn’t have any other choice but to--”

“To give me up so you could save your own ass?” Nishio slung his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up. His eyes burned, his body tensed, a coil ready to spring. “And now you want to come beg forgiveness? I guess Anteiku heard and cut you off?”

Kaneki frowned. “Anteiku?”

“I know that old man takes shit like this serious,” Nishio continued, “you’re probably blacklisted now, and you know what? I’m fucking _glad_ \--”

“I don’t--” But Nishio cut him off, raving, ignorant of the fact that Kaneki had no idea what he was talking about. What was Anteiku? Who was the old man? Wasn’t it just a coffee shop? He used to read there. He met Rize there, and even brought Hide once, who’d hit on that waitress and embarrassed him.

The waitress named Touka-chan.

All at once, it clicked. Touka was the waitress, the coffee shop was run by ghouls, apparently as a front for, what, ghoul social justice? A command center? Was that where Tsukiyama went to buy meat?

The woman’s voice brought him back. “Listen to him!” she begged. “If it helps, you should take it! We can leave the ward once you’re well--”

Nishio wouldn’t look her in the eye. “I can’t accept anything from him. I _won’t_. He did this to us, Kimi!”

Kaneki wanted to argue, to say that Nishio brought this on himself, but he couldn’t cast stones here. He just wanted to help. For once, he wanted to make things better, not worse. “Please,” he said, “I know you hate me, you _should_ hate me, but you--” He looked at the woman, Kimi. “You’re together, aren’t you? You should take these for her!”

“Don’t throw her in my face!” Nishio jumped to his feet, his chest heaving, his anger barely restrained. Kimi shrank against the wall as Nishio’s kagune, weak and brittle, slithered out. 

“Stop,” Kaneki held out his hands, “there are humans here! There could be doves--”

“If there are,” Nishio’s voice went cold, flat, “it’s your fault.” And then he attacked.

Kimi screamed as Kaneki opened the door and shoved her through it, taking the full force of Nishio’s attack and thanking every deity he could remember that his injuries had so weakened him. 

People were coming out of their rooms, screaming, but Nishio was running on rage. He forced Kaneki back with his kagune, slamming him against a wall. Kaneki refused to fight, didn’t even want to use his kagune, not when Nishio was already in so much pain. But there hands around his throat, squeezing, and all Kaneki could do was rest his hands around Nishio’s and rasp out, “I’m sorry.”

Kaneki’s kagune broke the hold, and he ran down the hall, shoving the box of sugar cubes into Kimi’s hands as he passed her. He’d done what he could, and it wasn’t enough. Kimi and Nishio would have to go on the run again, and Kaneki was to blame.

He barely made it outside and into the abandoned building to the right before the doves showed up.

The manhole leading to the tunnels was out in the open on the sidewalk. He was barely ten feet away from it, but he was paralyzed. If he left the building, if he even moved enough to leave through one of the holes in the walls, the doves would spot him.

Kaneki closed his eyes, and for the first times since his mother died, he prayed. _Let them escape_ , he begged. _Let Nishio and Kimi escape!_

When he opened his eyes, a familiar investigator was dragging Nishio out of the motel by his hair and throwing him into the middle of the road. Another investigator had Kimi in handcuffs, pushed to her knees as he examined the contents of a small familiar-looking box. Amon, Kaneki remembered numbly, the investigator’s name was Amon.

He watched as Amon dropped his suitcase, arming himself with his quinque. He did not look away as he swung it, cleanly parting Nishio’s head from his body. He heard Kimi’s shriek of despair, saw the look on her face, and committed it all to memory.

Two more lives. Two people who could have been saved.

Kaneki watched the doves spread out on Amon’s orders, heard the command to search for the One-Eye who’d been spotted, and slumped. The manhole was right there. He just had to distract them. He had to--

He had to get out of there.

Kaneki couldn’t fix everything if he was dead.

Surely there were other tunnel entrances nearby? He tried to recall some of the ones he went through with Tsukiyama, but none of those were anywhere near the slums. Tsukiyama wouldn't hunt in a place like that.

Creeping quietly, slowly, Kaneki went out the back of the building. Listening closely, he looked around and saw nothing. The investigators were still organizing.

Taking his only chance, Kaneki ran.

He went down the first manhole he found and wound up in the sewers. Dirty and foul smelling though it was, Kaneki felt safer. He wandered for a while before surfacing not far from his old apartment. He knew of a real tunnel entrance from there.

Once he was safely underground, Kaneki dropped to his knees and wept, unable to hold back the tide of his grief.

So many people dead, and for what? To save himself? 

Maybe he should have let the doves kill him.

xxx

It felt like forever before Kaneki could pull himself back together and walk. His feet carried him back to the familiar open area, through the dark hall, and up the stairs. His mask dangled from his neck, and when he walked inside, he tossed it carelessly onto a nearby light stand.

He wanted to sleep, to forget, but Tsukiyama was standing in the kitchen, watching him. He didn't look to be in a forgiving mood.

Before Kaneki could open his mouth, he was on him, furious. "I told you not to leave," he hissed, fingers digging into Kaneki's upper arms, holding him in place.

"I'm sorry," Kaneki said without hesitation, "but I had to help Nishio. It was my fault--"

"You tried to help him? How? By getting yourself killed? After everything I've done for you," Tsukiyama's grip on him tightened painfully, "you repay me by running off at the first chance?"

Kaneki's despair choked him, leaving him incapable of speech. He shook his head frantically, his mind shrieking apologies.

Tsukiyama let him go and walked down the hall. "Don't bother me tonight," he said, voice harsh and unforgiving. He walked into his room and shut the door - quietly, calmly.

Kaneki stood outside the kitchen, petrified. Another person hurt and disappointed because of him. Another thing his touch had ruined.

That night, Kaneki did not sleep, his mind running obsessively around the same idea: _how can I fix this?_


End file.
